Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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