put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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