There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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