the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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