I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
