I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
