Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize