just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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