shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
