That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
