ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
