if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
