He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
