just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
