so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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