do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
