so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
