Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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