My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
They have beer where we have blood.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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