I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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