dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
