Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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