the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
