the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
