i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
