he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
