that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
