I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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