What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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