I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
