Heybabeimwearingurpanties
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
