Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
