I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
