A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
should my penis look like a turkey
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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