I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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