Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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