New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i believe in u and ur pee
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
