Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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