I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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