so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I love you. Go after that dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
