Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
