Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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