My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
