barbara walters just said penis...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
