I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
