So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
