One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
