You smell like stripper and shame
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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