You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He passed out mid-signature
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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