this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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