Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
