if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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