I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
