Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
