I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
