i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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