oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
sex in a hospital.. check
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
