I'm lost and stupid without you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
