people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
