Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
