I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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