I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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