Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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