Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
