Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
