Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
